Posted in Polaris' Place of Solitude, Reflections

Let the Journey Continue…


Series of events are happening lately, and these are happening so fast I can’t keep up. Sometimes the introvertness inside me is kicking in. Life is full of surprises, and I’m in for a treat!

I’m not physically at my best lately, I’ll post the reason why by next two weeks.

Today I’ve got my site an update, got my own domain which is awesome! It’s a blogger’s dream to have a dot.com, makes a site more presentable. Let’s see if it yield any result. I’m genuinely happy.

Personally, I can’t complain.

All the forces in the universe are working together on my favor so I can reach my personal legend ~ paraphrased from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist

I have high hopes, I had a share of happiness and moments of doubts. It will just get better on time, it always will.

Thank you for sharing with my happiness.

Posted in Polaris' Place of Solitude, Prose & Poetry

Goal


Deprived, suppressed, exhausted, wasted

Clinging for ounce of strength being mustered

With this journey I’d lovingly invested

Don’t pull me away, I’m just getting started.

My heart is out of shape and I’m out of place

Frustratingly beating myself, advancing my phase

Strategize, prepare, attack, withdraw, back to board game… the battle is intensed

I believe at the end of this ordeal, these will all make sense.

One day, I will look on my mirror with triumphant smile

My younger self will thank me, each effort had been worthwhile

Before I lay down and ultimately shut my eyes into final sleep

I knew I’ll leave a legacy, significant for my son to keep

Posted in Everyday Living, Polaris' Place of Solitude

Bash


When was the last time you posted something “honest” (as in free-flowing thoughts) in a social media and received massive backlash? Well, I just had that rather uncalled experience.

I don’t want to delve into details. Once again, my assumption proves right about facebook: this is not an avenue to express my thoughts.

I’m going back to WordPress, and I’ll definitely stick to it.

Posted in Polaris' Place of Solitude, Reflections

Quest for meaning of life


In my life, choosing a path is the hardest part. Then I live with my choice, whatever the consequence(s) may be. 

It just occurred to me the thought that reflected by the Preacher (King Solomon) – that “life is meaningless.” I can’t agree more. 

I was raised to be educated and find stable job, doubted my mere existence in between. Then I started a family, will retire in the next 20 years perhaps. 

Being aware that I will live for about 40 years more max 50 years, sends thrill to my system. I can go all day narrating how I want my life, the “should have-might have” feeling of regret. What if I’m not leading a life designed for me? 

I took comfort in last verses of Ecclesiastes:

*[[Ecc 12:13]] KJV* Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Our duty is to fear God, yet fearing Him doesn’t make much difference. James 2:19 says: ‘even the devil believes God, with trembling.’ Obedience completes our duties before God. We have to keep His commandments.

*[[Ecc 12:14]] KJV* For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

Here comes the consequence. God loves you, but being a just God that He is, each action we commit triggers consequence. 

All accomplishments, titles, worries, goals, and wealth will melt away in the beauty of His holines. I remember the post I’d written way back 2011 on my last day on earth, the message remains the same. I guess the realization that stricken me in the face of death will serve as a reminder for me that everything is meaningless when it’s about time to meet your Maker. 

I do have regrets, I’ve seen better days.. yet I’m glad I’m still on the right track. Fearing God and obeying Him will preserve me until I see the Perfect Day.

Posted in Everyday Living, Polaris' Place of Solitude, Qatar, Reflections

Why is it so tough to move forward?


Lately I’m pondering about this question. Then my mind sails afloat the sea of thoughts. I then find myself trolling around scenarios of “what if?” “why not?” exchange – like a tennis ball. 

Tradeoff is the main factor. If I move forward, I will leave point “A” and embrace point “B.” There’s no turning back, I have to burn the bridge! Lest I might turn to a pillar of salt (inaalat tayo *wink*). I will leave all comforts and perks in point “A,” and start a new adventure. The mere thought thrills me. But sweet journey come with a price, I’m not sure I can afford.

By the way, it’s about leaving my job.

I spoke with my wife about it. She told me that if I’m not happy anymore I can always go home. She added: “God will not forsake us.” Well, that’s comforting 🙂

So I sought my Lord Jesus Christ.. and He led me in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. Although it’s a popular chapter, it never occurred to me that I’ll meditate on this. Two insights strike me, I’m hoping these can contribute to you guys, especially if you’re in crossroads of decision-making. 

v. 8: Love Never Fails

Why I’m so hesitant to move? Because I’m afraid to fail. Do I still love my job? If so, I’ll never fail. If not, it’s time to move on. That’s the practical approach. 

Subjective/spiritual approach is this: if I put my faith in God, who is love, I shall never fail. 

So long as I have love, I can stand the test of time. (This is the point where I want to scream like Augustus in the movie Gladiator: “are you not entertained?!!”… and by the way I want to face my boss when delivering that – haha). 

v. 11. Think like a man

I’m not referring to a movie with that title, sorry 🙂 

I have to think maturely. Thinking outside the ‘box’ so to speak. This means putting aside personal feelings, and weigh the situation as logical and objective as possible. No grumbling, grudge or envy. Better to overthink about consequences rather than be surprised with unforeseen exigencies. No room for mistakes here, the price I’ll pay is high enough for me (paraphrased from Karen Carpenter’s i know i need to be in love #credit).

I’m still stuck. 

I want to reflect in v. 12. This is what I’m seeing now..blurry, uncertain. But in God’s perfect time, everything will fall in it’s proper place. This is just a cliffhanger, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there (from Relient K’s song “Let It All Out.”).

Verse I’m clinging onto: Romans 8:28 “…ALL things work TOGETHER for GOOD to them that LOVE God, to them who are called according to His purpose.”

Posted in Family, Polaris' Place of Solitude

Timetable


My boss felt sorry for me. He is saddened by the idea of me staying away wth my wife and son to work. He asked me how long I intend to continue this setup. I replied “two years,” doubtfully.

It’s never easy to be away from your family. One of my life’s regret is not finishing my studies. I should have been in a better position. Another is failing to set aside savings/investments while I was still single. I mean I can continue my studies, but there’s more important on my priority list rather than going back to school, or saving. It’s easy to say that everything is possible, but when you are confronted with real factors, then that’s another story. 

As of now, I am not happy pushing papers without an opportunity to climb to a corporate ladder. Sad to say, I’m working for each paycheck. There are times I hate to be in a position where I am. I even complain to God, which I should not. But impatience get into my nerve. I am a dedicated employee with no other thought but to serve the company I am employed as my way of showing gratitude for providing foods on my family’s table. I sometimes grew tired of the loop I’m in. I need a break.

This too, shall pass.

Posted in Polaris' Place of Solitude

Freefall


Minutes,…hours… this once excited journey is now filled with grief. This heart did not seek sympathy from anyone. This soul drifting in the realm of the unworthy longs nothing but peace. This deafening silence is screaming so hard that it redefines my inner identity.
Enjoyment is a temporary experience to hide/conceal the pains and sufferings i am harboring inside of me. The bittersalty tears of sorrows and low spirit demoralize me. When the issue of neglect in communicating shuns me from embracing peace and quietness, then i know something is wrong with me. When i crack a joke turned out to be an insult, then it backfires to me, sending awkward feeling of embarassment and guilt. When my maturity is being challenged with authority, then i will be intimidated. When all i am now is far from what i am showing to people, then i am deceiving myself. When i’m being pressured by needs and responsibilities, then i know i can’t afford to slow down. When my problems keep on accumulating, i am thinking of giving up. What’s the point of fighting? In the end i am an immatured, stupid guy sitting in the corner watching the clock turns the time into a brand new day. No  identity, no consistency, no breakthrough!

Posted in Polaris' Place of Solitude

The rest


I don’t want to flow in this river of life like the rest of the crowd. I desire to be so free of regrets and weights of this world. Life is sometimes inconsistent, as much as i am. Today i am so free, and a moment later, i am in bondage of this chains of immaturities and deceptions residing inside of me.
How will i face the world if i am engulfed with my own fears?