Every journey is never easy. It takes more than a desire to move forward. Drive, passion, dedication, name it. Bottom line is, you’ve got to have that to separate yourself from merely an enthusiast.
My journey as dad started one year after quitting my day job. Being an expat, I have to give up my job abroad to make baby(ies). Creating a baby is harder than I thought! Especially, we’re racing against time. She then conceived, prayer works, indeed.
We are grateful for God’s provisions throughout the next nine months. She did not experienced morning sickness, spotting, and even labor pain (CS #kaway-kaway). God always give financial provisions everytime she have appointment with her OB. As in my case, I’m struggling to keep my computer shop open.
As the day of giving birth is fast approaching, I am thinking of ways to provide for my family. I can tell I’ll be a good dad. I don’t want to wake up one day without a food for my family. I must think, and act the earliest. I chose not to tell my wife of my thoughts. She’s carrying heavy enough (literally) to get worried.
One day, we’ve been invited by our former colleagues for their wedding. I then decided to ask them a possibility to come back. Never left a bad record, they assured me that i can come back. Now, that’s a ray of sunlight 🙂
Ironic as I thought, I left my job because of baby, and for that same reason I’ll return.
Running out of option and time, I decided to speak with my wife to discuss my intentions. We agreed to pray for it, and wait for God’s answer. I’ll give it a shot, and if our company decided to have me back, that’s a sign that it’s God’s will. He will not allow anyway if it’s not for us. That’s faith in action 🙂
I can say, I cried…bitterly. The pain of leaving my loving wife with unborn son breaks me. My only consolation is the realization that it’s harder to leave my son after seeing him, and giving birth is costly! These justify the pain that it takes.
That’s my first sacrifice as a dad, way to go!
Long-distance relationship with your spouse is one thing, with your son/daughter is another.
I went home for annual leave on my son’s 1st birthday. It’s the first time I laid my eyes to him, to hold him in my arms, to tell him that his virtual dad actually exists 🙂 That experience added to my ever-colorful life. God must’ve favored me in all ways imaginable. He can allow me to be united always with my wife and son. He can make it happen, He is God. But He didn’t, because He wants me to experience how it feels to be away from my son, and the joy of uniting with him. I’ve been reminded of the parable of a prodigal son. I can relate. If I have an advise to give to younger generation, I will tell them to speak with their parents especially when they are away from each other i.e. expat. Every opportunity to have a glimpse of my son brings joy to my heart. I knew at times my wife is getting annoyed but she understands.
Things are getting more exciting when my son started to talk. Inasmuch as it brought joy, so my heart was wrenched when it’s about time to leave. I knew it’s not the setup God wants us to live – being far away from each other.
I am aware that my journey as a dad is far from getting over. I enjoy every moment.
I can talk endlessly about a father’s love. It’s a blend of sacrifice, joy, longingness, and a little bit of bravery on accepting the fact that we cannot move each and every wall. We can for now rest our back against it. And find a way to climb o’er it.